Azumanga Daioh Transfer Student Invasion
by Mankin
Summary: Three new transfer students have come to the high school. First there is Mankin, a pyschotic teen bent on world domination. Second there is Sven, a shy Dane who has a crush on Sasaki. Then there is the A.D.D. teen named Tweek.
1. Chapter 1

Azumanga Daioh

Transfer Student Invasion

Prologue

A pin was heard dropping in the distance. There was little to be seen in all the room by the high school students save one man….from America. He was apparently observing a moment of silence. Yet, for the Japanese high school students, it was only a moment of confusion. Well except for Osaka, who was pondering the mystery of hemorrhoids.

Tomo shot her hand up in irritation."Mr. Keith what are you doing!"

"Silence I'm honoring the American veterans! How can you be so un American! Oh wait; you're not an American, right…."

"I'm an American!" Yomi stated.

"And you don't even remember Memorial Day! You're a pathetic excuse of an American!" Mr. Keith declared. "Now, since you disturbed my moment of silence, let's just go ahead and get on to history, American history. Now, Tomo, can you tell me who the first American was?"

"Uhhh, Mr. Kimura?" The entire class exploded into laughter at the mention of Kimura.

"How dare you disgrace America! George Washington was the first American! He made American while you Japanese where still dressing up in Samurai outfits. He beat the living snot out of those limeys!" His patriotism was exemplified by the American flag bandana he wore on his head. In fact, he was the spitting image or a Harley riding America. He had on the atypical sunglasses, the blue denim jacket, and a crucifix. "Now sit down and listen to me you non Americans! We have a new student today. His name happens to be Mankin and he's an American. You would do well to learn from him." Mankin stood up and strolled over to the front of the class. He was not wearing the school uniform. Rather he sported a black hoodie with the words Dark Lord drawn on the chest. His hair was the color of a raging fire, and his eyes were dark blue.

"He isn't wearing the school uniform. I like him already! He's a rebel, and all Americans are rebels. Now introduce yourself to the class Mankin."

His voice was deeper than the depths of the ocean. "What's sup? My name is Mankin. I have come here to destroy the Japanese school system…. No I mean I came here to learn with Japanese students. I inherited my incredibly awesome deep voice from the depths of doom… I mean from my father."

"You're a great American kid. Return to your seat fellow American." Mankin nodded in response and returned to his seat. His knees scraped against the top of his desk. His stature of 6'1 was not made for these types of desks. Tomo had not taken her eyes off Mankin ever since he had introduced himself.

"Wow this guy is awesome. I'll have to challenge him to a race," Tomo thought.

For the remainder of class, Mr. Keith talked on and on about the wonders of American. However, he was interrupted once by Kaorin.

She said, "Mr. Keith are you a Christian? I noticed your crucifix."

"Of course I am unlike you non American heathens!"

"Didn't you cheat in every single card game tournament you were in? Also didn't you trap several people in a cave once? That's not very Christian like."

"I'm an American! I don't know about this country, but in America you have the right to say one thing and do another. It's the American way!"

Soon after this, the class ended. Mr. Keith dismissed them. As they were walking out of the class, Tomo's eyes remained glued to Mankin. She was paying so much attention to Mankin she didn't even hear Osaka speaking to her.

"Hey are you there! You're even more spaced out than I usually am," Osaka complained.

"What? Oh sorry Osaka. I was just looking at the new guy, Mankin. He's really awesome."

"He's an American among us! That doesn't seem like a good thing."

"Why not?"

"I heard this one story where an American came to Japan. He looked like an ordinary guy and he was really kind. But it turned out he was actually a traumatized World War II veteran. When everyone least expected it, he entered a bank and murdered everyone! Then he shot himself in the head. We should be careful."

"You're just a paranoid murder mystery obsessed person Osaka. After all he's too cute to be a killer," Tomo declared.

Osaka didn't even respond, her mind had wandered to other bizarre places. The next class period was with the infamous Mr. Kimura. As they were filing into the class, a new student wandered in at the last minute. He spoke briefly with Mr. Kimura.

Mr. Kimura's mouth was hanging open. He seemed to be eternally gawking at something which actually complemented his personality. Then he began to speak.

"I have two announcements to make. First the school has voted to keep the really short shorts as mandatory garments for girls during P.E. My second announcement is that we have a new student today. He was excused from History class so you didn't meet him there. This is Sven."

Sven made his way to the front of the class. He looked quite a bit like Mankin. However, his red hair was darker than Mankin's and it hung down to his shoulders. He had Celtic skin with slight red undertones. He was tall and slim, but appeared to be relatively in shape.

He spoke hesitantly, "Yah, hey guys, my name is Sven." His Japanese was horrific; it was barely audible behind his Danish accent.

"I come from Denmark, yah. I'm an exchange student. Uh, how do I say this in Japanese? I… like…. Uh..."

"ENOUGH OF THAT!" Mr. Kimura shouted. "Now onto class time." As usual, Mr. Kimura only asked Kaorin questions. For the duration of the class, he was constantly muttering about wanting to teach gym class. Sven struggled during the entire class. He barely understood anything Mr. Kimura said and had to ask him for help several times during the class period. Mr. Kimura answered each question irritatingly. He had little patience for high school boys.

Sven was also distracted by one certain girl in the room. He couldn't stop looking at her. There was just something about her that he couldn't put his finger on. Perhaps it was the way her hair swayed back and forth whenever she turned. Perhaps it was her silent composure or her dark eyes. Something about her made his heart pump at an incredible speed.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I forget to mention this in the first chapter, so I'll go ahead and write it here. First of all, I'd like to thank LittleKuriboh for doing the voice of Bandit Keith in the awesome Yu-gi-oh Abridged Series. I borrowed his version of Bandit Keith. Also, I don't own Azumanga Daioh or South Park or Yu-gi-oh. I decided not to put this in the crossover since I only use three characters from other series. If you think this should be in a crossover section, pm me.

Chapter 2

Before long, the bell rang out signaling the end of school. Mankin was the first to dash out of the school.

"Well, this place is full of potential soldiers for my army. Soon my plan will begin. Since Japanese anime characters are basically indestructible, no one will be able to stop me!" Mankin declared to himself. "Then there's that chick Tomo. I have other plans for her. HA HA HA. That Mr. Kimura is just plain creepy so I'll have to destroy him. Hold up! I was talking to myself about evil plots again. I must be going crazy." Mankin's ravings often got the better of him.

Sven slowly made his way out of the school. He didn't see the girl in Mr. Kimura's class anywhere. He felt so out of place in this environment. The language, the customs, it was all so foreign and strange to him. He longed for the seas of his homeland. His red hair made him stand out like a goldfish amidst a group of trout. Even his hair style was considered strange. Most of the guys had shorter hair than his or they had very spiky hair.

He also longed for his cat Olaf. There were no cats allowed in his board rooms so he had to leave his cat back home in Denmark. He also had to leave behind his weapon Dragon's Bane, that blade he held so dear.

He was a Viking history buff unlike any other. He had a full set of Viking equipment back in Denmark. Even his music was related to Norse themes.

He missed his mother land so much it hurt. However, this beautiful girl brought some warmth to his general cool mood. He made a resolution to get to know this girl.

Tweek was not the strong silent type, but on the other hand he wasn't the loud type either. He was just a normal kid with ADD. Although that might just be the huge amounts of coffee he drinks every day. Whenever he stood still, his entire body would shake.

He had been coming to this school as an exchange student for a year. It was all based on a bet he made with Cartman.

Cartman said he wouldn't last a year in Japan. They would kill him because he had ADD and Japanese people hate people with ADD. Cartman said if he stayed alive in Japan more than 2 years he would give me 2 million dollars. Cartman had managed to become a multi millionare a couple of years back.

Tweek took the bet. It had been one year and he was still alive. And thanks to Osaka, he had more than enough reasons to stay in Japan. He talked to her every once and awhile. He often got too nervous and couldn't find the right words to speak. It was like Osaka took his breath away, at least what little breath he had.

"Oh my gosh, I need some coffee EEEK!" Tweek said to himself before running off to the local coffee shop.

The next day, Sven awoke to the sound of blaring techno music. He pulled his pillow over his head to block out the irritating music. If there was one thing he would never understand, it was why Japanese people liked this stuff. He turned his head over to look at his clock. His eyes widened in shock. He had forgotten to set his alarm! He only had 15 minutes to make it to school! He threw himself out of bed like a leaping tiger. Within a few minutes he put on his school uniform and grabbed a granola bar to munch on the way to school. He came barging out the his apartment and into the street. He rapidly unlocked his bicycle chain and got on his bike. He swore in Danish as he went pedaling off.

He pedaled as fast as his knees could carry. Finally the main entrance of the school came within eyesight. Just as he was nearing the entrance a bike sped in front of his. He tried to stop the bike, but it was too late. He slammed into the back of the bicycle. Both of the bikes went down in a tangle of metal and wheels. Sven fell of his bike to land face down on the pavement. His long uniform protected him from getting particularly severe scrapes. He stood up to confront the idiot who had cut in front of him.

He was met with red hair much like his own and an angry scowl. It was Mankin, the other new student.

"Hey, watch where you're going man!" Sven retorted angrily.

Mankin responded, "If I were you, I would watch where I was going. It's also not a good idea to insult a Dark Lord."

"Whatever! Let's just get to class before we get nailed for being tardy."

"Agreed pathetic one." The two of them raced each other into class. They came bursting into Mr. Keith's class 5 minutes late. He had just finished singing the national anthem to himself.

"Ah you're fashionably late. That's very American of you. All Americans arrive fashionably late. Sven may not be a real American, but he's doing a good job acting like one. Now, take your seat!"

However, just as Sven plopped down in his seat, he spotted the girl from yesterday. She was reclining in her seat, light streaming from the window over her jet black hair. Her hand rested on her chin. A melancholy visage clouded her face. The Danish boy rose from his seat and strolled as softly as a cat over to the empty seat beside her. He dropped lightly into the seat. The girl didn't seem to notice him for she was consumed by her own thoughts.

Mr. Keith droned on and on about Britons tyrannical rule of the colonies during the 18th century. A few students were scribbling down notes but Mr. Keith made them stop.

"Don't take notes! It's un-American to take notes!"

After a few more minutes Tweek raised his hand into the air, "Ach! Mr. Keith, when are we going to learn about other countries besides America?" Tweek tilted his head at a 45 degree angle and blinked after asking this question.

"We are going to study America for know because America is the greatest country in the world. Anyone who thinks America is not the greatest country in the world is a terroist!" Tweek simply nodded and let out a small scream.

Osaka said to herself, "I wonder what's wrong with that kid."

Chiyo chan, overhearing Osaka replied, "He has ADD, attention deficit disorder."

"Oh is that the disease where you swear constantly and you can't help it?"

"No that's something different. ADD causes the person to have a severe lack of attention." Chiyo chan answered in her soprano voice.

"Oh, kinda like me I guess," she exclaimed. Sven tried to talk to the girl during class but he couldn't seem to find the right words. Normally he wasn't a shy person, but when he was nervous his tongue tied itself three times over. He didn't speak to her during Bandit Keith's class nor Mr. Kimura's class or any other class for that matter. He was determined to talk to her after school got out.

Later that day, Mrs. Yukari gave an announcement.

"As you little ingrates know, spring break begins tommorrow. I hope you're going somewhere nice because I have to stay in this crappy excuse for a city!" The rest of the class period was spent with Mrs. Yukari complaining about how boring and pathetic her life was. The students simply used the time to catch up on homework.

Mankin chuckled to himself. If everyone in this school was this crazy, he would have no problem controlling them. Sven, on the other hand, was shocked. Back at his old school, teachers hadn't been quite so eccentric. Of course this thought only made him remember his old friends back at his old school. He strangled the thoughts in his head. He couldn't allow homesickness to infect his brain constantly. Besides he needed to think what he would say to that girl.

Mrs. Yukari's complaints were halted only by the ring of the school bell.

"All right! Class dismissed! Move it!" she commanded. The students practically leaped from their seats eager to smash through the classroom door. Sasaki strolled out of the room after the other students. As she was walking out of the classroom, she sensed the presence of a person standing behind her. She turned 180 degrees to view the person behind her. Her eyes fell upon a very foreign substance. It was a tall, adolescent male donning long auburn hair. Such a color of hair was practically unknown to Sasaki but she admired it greatly. It was cute.

Most people, upon meeting Sasaki, would not consider that she held cute items in high esteem. She was tall and athletic, not the type of person you would expect to have a deep admiration for cute objects. Her "cool" height and athletic ability did not mean a huge deal to her. She would trade it all just for a chance to be cute or to have a cat.

Lost in her own thoughts, she took little notice of the awkward silence that pervaded for a few minutes. Jerked back to reality she spoke,

"Yes?" The boy appeared to gulp before he opened his mouth. His tongue rambled off a few sentences in a deep and guttural language. Sasaki had no idea what language he was speaking.

She replied, "I beg your pardon?" The boy smacked his forehead out of frustration. "I'm sorry. Is something wrong?" she asked in a confused tone.

In clumsy Japanese he replied, "I'm sorry…my Japanese is no good. I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm a new student here. My name is Sven. Please forgive my broken Japanese. I absolutely suck at this."

"I'm Sasaki. Don't worry about your language skills. It must be difficult being in a school in a different country."

"It's crazy. Actually, you could say I'm multilingual. I'm much better at speaking English than Japanese. Speaking of which, I hate these uniforms. They're so restraining. At my old school in Denmark there was no uniform policy."

Sasaki's eyeballs nearly popped out of her head with disbelief, "No uniform policies?"

"Yah. Seems strange to you doesn't it? I've learned over time that there are lots of things a foreigner might consider odd in his eyes. To the native it is as usual as the blue sky. However, there are some things that remain beautiful in the eyes of all humans whether Danish or Japanese." He said this while gazing into Sasaki's eyes his long hair flowing over his shoulders.

Sasaki didn't know the reason herself, but during that moment she began to feel very uneasy and nervous. .

"Well, I'd better get going." Sasaki stated. It wasn't really an excuse but it performed the same job.

"Oh, I'm sorry to keep you. See you around." He waved to Sasaki as she went speeding down the hallway. Her form disappeared as she took a turn in the hall. Sven took a few steps forward until he came up to the lockers. He banged his head lightly against the metallic lockers.

"Great job Sven. Really smart. You just scared her away, idiot. Why didn't you just keep it to small talk, huh?" He had no time to continue his lamentations for Mrs. Yukari came hopping out of her classroom.

"Get out of here! School's out! Get out of here before I have to lock up this piece of crap school!"

"Sorry Mrs. Yukari!" he explained as he went running down the hall. She didn't even bother to tell him not to run in the halls. He was in such a rush that he did not notice the body of Mankin pressed up against the wall in the halls.

Content that he had not been spotted, Mankin made a mad dash for the boy's room. He didn't need to use the bathroom, but he did need a very important object in the bathroom.

Mankin had done this a thousand times. He dived to a corner every ten seconds where the cameras did not cover. He knew that all cameras like this took a photo every ten seconds. It was easy to remain invincible to them as long as you had good timing. It did not take him long to reach the boy's bathroom. He ran immediately after the security cameras took their pictures.

He opened the door to the boy's bathroom, ran inside, and quickly shut the door. He began to open the doors to the stalls one by one. If the rumors were correct, the katana would be located somewhere in this bathroom. After checking all the stalls, he made a systematic search of the entire bathroom. Reaping no results, he slipped on his gloves. It was possible that the katana was located behind a loose floor board. He slowly made his way across the bathroom pawing at each of the floor boards to see if it was loose. His efforts bore fruit when he came to the floor boards outside of the first bathroom stall.

The board peeled back like the skin of an orange. Hidden directly beneath it was the katana in a simple leather sheath. Mankin reached down to grasp the blade. He brought it out of the floor board. He replaced the floor board with his free hand. The rumor was that a student from many years back had hid a katana in the bathroom as a joke. Apparently the rumor was true.

He stood up triumphantly. Yet his work was not complete yet. He made his way out of the bathroom and down the hall. He carefully counted the seconds to know when to duck in a corner. He finally made it to the entrance area. This would be his most difficult task. The entrance lobby contained the most cameras. He scrutinized each of the cameras from his view point in the hall. He figured out after a few minutes a few corners where the camera's viewpoint would not spot.

He sprinted over to the closest corner to the center of the lobby. He pulled the katana out of its sheath. He pulled a small wooden pedestal to place the blade in. It could go in either from the handle or from the tip of the blade. He waited ten seconds before dashing out to the center of the lobby. He placed the pedestal on the floor before running back to his corner. After a few seconds he ran back to place the blade, handle first into the pedestal so that the tip of the blade stood erect.

Within a few seconds he was back in his corner. He pulled out a cantaloupe from his backpack. The cameras took their picture. Mankin, as carefully as possible, gutted the cantaloupe upon the katana.

He made his escape through the large opening in the janitor's room where he tossed trash into a large garbage bin outside. His fall was softened by the many trash bags in the bin. He leaped down from the large bin like a cat.

Despite the bad smell of the garbage, Mankin couldn't keep himself from smiling.

"Stage one of my plan has now been set into motion. Chaos will soon reign over this pathetic excuse of a school!" He laughed like a psycho as he strolled down the alley where the trash bin was located. He was eager to get home, take a bath, celebrate his victory, and plan his next move.

Author's Note: Hey guys, don't worry there'll be more of the Azumanga Daioh characters in the next chapter. Once again, please R&R.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Hey guys, this is my third chapter. I feel as if this chapter needs more editing, so I might take it down in the future. Please R&R!

Chapter 3

Tomo, Chiyo, Osaka, and Yomi walked at a slow pace down the hard concrete. Tomo inquired, "I wonder where Sasaki is?

"Don't worry, she'll catch up." Yomi stated. They were all headed to the ice cream shop. As expected, just as they were a block away from the ice cream store, Chiyo chan spotted Sasaki running up to meet them.

"Hey stop guys! Here comes Ms. Sasaki!" They waited for a bit so Sasaki could catch up. She came skidding to a halt next to Tomo.

"Where the crap where you Sasaki?" she asked bluntly.

"Well, um, there was this guy..."

"Oooh does Sasaki have a paramour?"

"Shut up Tomo! Don't poke your butt in other people's business!" Yomi chided.

"No you shut up! You're the fat one so you have no right to speak!" Yomi grabbed Tomo and put her into a headlock.

"Take that back you little runt!" Within a few seconds, she let Tomo out of the headlock. She would never go as far as to physically assault Tomo.

"So Ms. Sasaki has a boyfriend." Osaka proclaimed.

"No it's nothing like that! I just met him today. We talked a little outside of the classroom. He's the foreign exchanged student from Denmark."

"You mean that really tall kid with the really long hair?" Osaka asked.

"Yes. His name is Sven." Sasaki replied.

"He must be one of those people that are obsessed with metal," Tomo said.

"Why would he be obsessed with refined minerals?" Chiyo chan declared as naively as ever.

"No this is a different kind of metal Chiyo chan. I think its like, uhhh, I can't remember! I get so mixed up sometimes!" Osaka declared.

"It's a style of music, lots of electric guitars and growling." Tomo said.

"That's a horrible definition Tomo. You obviously know nothing about music." Yomi argued.

"You don't know anything about music either! I've heard you sing before! It sounds like a dying cat!" Sasaki gasped at the mere mention of a "dying cat." Thankfully they were too busy arguing amongst each other to notice it.

"Why are you such an idiot?" They argued back and forth all the way to the ice cream. Sasaki wasn't pondering their words though. She thought back to her brief conversation with the Danish boy. She still had yet to identify what had made her feel uncomfortable. It certainly wasn't any of his words that caused her un comfort. Maybe it was how his steps were as silent as a cat. She shook off those thoughts once they entered the ice cream store. She wasn't going to dwell on someone she had just met.

Tweek was ecstatic. Of course, none of his facial expressions revealed this. Most of the time, he appeared like he was terrified. He had finally found a coffee shop. Or at least a fast food restraint that sold coffee. He had merely walked to the restaurant to get a snack but he nearly jumped for joy when he saw coffee was listed on their menu. His Japanese might have been average, but coffee was the first word he learned to write in Japanese.

He scrambled up to the counter and ordered a large coffee. He stood only a few inches away from the counter as he waited for his coffee. He was shaking even more than usual due to his anticipation. He snatched the coffee off the counter as soon as the checker laid it down. He drank the delicious beverage as he walked down the street. He leaned his head almost all the way back as he sent the hot liquid down his throat as if he were dying of thirst. Soon, he had drained the entire cup of coffee.

His energy level spiked out of control. He felt like he had been injected with a boatload of adrenaline. He screamed like a berserker and took off running down the street. He sang ACDC songs as he ran down the street. Many people looked at him as if he were mentally insane. In that moment he was. It was a result from all those missed daily coffees. As he ran down the street he thought to himself, "Maybe I should stop drinking coffee. I don't want Osaka to think I'm crazy." "ARGH!" he screamed at the very thought of her.

Eventually he made it all the way to his apartment. He walked over to the phone to find one message left by a number he knew all too well.

"No, anybody but that douche!"

Spring break meant that Mankin would have to wait for his prank to take effect for one week. It didn't matter to him that much. The school janitor also had the week off during spring break so Mankin had nothing to worry about. The teachers always entered through a back door so he didn't worry about them discovering his prank either. It was likely the cantaloupe would attract fungus during all that time. This would heighten its noxious effect when the students returned to their school. A cheesy grin spread across his face. His eyes widened with glee.

Now he would continue phase one of his master plan. He had previously taken time to look up the numbers and e-mail addresses of people that interested him. After all, he needed a large pool of possible minions to recruit. Also he planned to play matchmaker for a while. If he created more couples, then he could gain two recruits for the cost of one. He laughed at the simplicity of his plan.

"Now, I just need to make a few phone calls," Mankin proclaimed to himself.

Tweek listened slowly to the message, his body shaking with every word.

"Hello Tweek. It's Cartman. I may need to come up to Japan in a few weeks. I really need a vacation. My butler Butters is driving me out of my mind with his other personality Professor Chaos. Also, I desperately need mature friends. I figured that there are lots of mature people in Japan unlike in the U.S.A. and Canada. I hate Canada. I wore my Blame Canada shirt today to display my hatred of Canada. Anyways, I might see in you a few weeks if I come up to Japan. Save some hot Japanese chicks for me." At that moment in the message a voice interrupted him, "Yeah right fatso. No Japenese girl in her right mind would go out with your sorry butt."

"HEY! I'm not fat I'm big boned! No Japanese girl would go out with a Jew!"

"How to do you know butthole!"

"HEY! If you're going to say something derogatory just say it! Don't take Mr. Mackey's advice and substitute it for a less offensive word!"

"But it's easy mmkay!"

"SHUT UP! Anyway, as you can see Tweek, I also have to deal with Kyle. Talk to you later. Don't bother responding to this message." Immediately after playing that message, the phone message system declared,

"End of message. One new message remaining. Do you want to here the new message?"

"Ahh! Yes, play the message!" Tweek pushed the 1 button on the phone. It began to play back a mysterious voice.

"Greetings Tweek. You are an interesting person, but there are many interesting people in the school. I am going to give you the phone number and e-mail address of one other interesting person at your school. The reason for this is simple, there are many interesting people but few talk to other interesting people. Perhaps I can make the world, or at least our school a bit more interesting by helping interesting people form friendships with other interesting people."

"ARGH! Too many repetitions! Who wrote this crap!"

"Here is the number of Osaka." About that time, Tweek almost fainted. The voice repeated Osaka's phone number. Tweek was exited and terrified at the same time.

"Goodbye," the voice declared before the call ended.

"Wait! I didn't write the number down! I'll have to listen to the message again. ARGH!"

Sven's fingers curved as he pressed down on each individual number on the phone. The stranger had given him Chiyo chan's number. He knew enough about the girl that she was friends with Sasaki. Perhaps he could obtain her cell or phone number from Chiyo chan. He pressed his hand down on his coffee table as his phone ringed.

"Hello?"

"Um. Hello. This is Sven, the new kid. I'm guessing you got that strange message as well."

"Yes I did. I wonder what kind guy decided to do that."

"I was wondering if you knew Ms. Sasaki's phone number?"

"Ah yes I do. In fact the guy who got Ms. Sasaki's number is on the other line. Let me put him through."

Suddenly a male voice came on over a third line. "Wow this is really weird. I'm a random male character who has no name and was thrown into the plot at the last minute," the male character stated.

"Do you know Sasaki's phone number?"

Before he could answer another voice joined the conversation, "Chiyo chan! Why wasn't I included in this! I'm supposed to be involved in all the drama!" Tomo declared in the background.

"Ms. Tomo, I have no idea!"

"In the name of America I demand to know what's going on!" Mr. Keith proclaimed

"Yeah who gave me this idiot's phone number!" Yukari's voice shouted.

"Ms. Yukari, Mr. Keith! How am I supposed to know?"

"Because you're supposed to be the intelligent one! Now stop being so dense and answer the question!" Tomo commanded. Chiyo chan whimpered in response. Sven sighed in irritation. All he wanted was a girl's phone number and he had to deal with three other morons.

"Hey! Never call an American an idiot, Yukari!"

"Can someone please give me Sasaki's number?"

"Sure it's 005-5257"

"Why the heck am I not involved in this!" Tomo demanded.

"Shut up you un-American!"

"That's not even a word you Bushwacker!" Yukari declared.

"Hey don't call me a Bushwacker Jap! I'm a proud American democrat!" Bandit Keith said.

"I'm hanging up now," Chiyo said.

"EXPLAIN THIS!" The line cracked as Chiyo hung up. Each of the recipients slammed their phones down angrily. Even Sven slammed his phone down. However, he did so out of excitement not anger.

"Now, I better not screw this up," he declared.

Mankin turned off his cell phone having completed his mission. He put up his feet and spun his chair around to face his T.V.. He flipped on his Xbox 360 so he could butcher some noobs on Halo 3. He was going to enjoy this spring vacation quite a bit.

Sven was far too nervous to even think about calling Sasaki to ask her out so he killed some time. He looked up some metal music videos on youtube. His head banging was interrupted by the ring tone of his home phone. He paused his music before he picked up the speaker of his phone.

"Hello is this Sven? ACH!" a quaking voice declared.

"Yes, who's this?" Sven inquired.

"Um. It's Tweek, the nervous guy from school Eek! I need some advice! You probably know how to talk to girls, right! I wet myself just by thinking about it! I just get so nervous, aahh!"

"What?" Sven asked in confusion.

"Did you get that weird message on your phone too?"

"Oh yes, I did. Why don't you come over to my place so we can chat about that? Where do you live by the way?" Sven proposed.

"I live in the apartment on Tagashi street," Tweek answered.

"I know where that place is. It's only 3 blocks from my place. In fact I can smell the filth radiating off from it whenever I ride my bicycle past that building. Who put you in that crappy apartment complex?"

"My friend Cartman did. He's a cheap butthole."

Sven laughed, "Come down to my place then. It's the Yoshi Exchange Student Dorm."

"All right EEK!" Sven strolled down to the main lobby to wait for Tweek. After only a few minutes, a short blond boy came dashing into the building. His eyes were bulging out like marbles. He was panting like a beagle.

As soon as he spotted Sven he dashed over to him.

"So you're Sven right!"

"Yes I am. Come on. Let's head up to my room," Sven declared in English. He found the English language easier to speak than Japanese. Perhaps his Germanic roots made it easier to speak English. Sven's stride was twice as long as Tweek's stride, thus Tweek struggled to keep up with the Dane.

He unlocked his dorm room and entered. Tweek followed behind him. Sven took a seat in his computer chair while Tweek plopped down on his couch.

Sven cracked his fingers as if he was preparing for a difficult assignment. "I managed to get Sasaki's phone number. That anonymous caller gave me Chiyo's phone number, so I had to get Sasaki's number from her. Who do you think that guy is? He was obviously using *67 because there was no number on my caller ID."

"Who cares, dude! He gave me Osaka's number. That's all that matters. But I'm so freaked out! I want to talk to her, but it's so freaking hard! ARGH!"

"What part of talking to her makes you the most nervous?"

"It's just that I'm worried I'll say something really stupid. I'm worried that I'll scare her away. What if I get coffee withdrawal symptoms while I'm talking to her? That would suck!"

"So in other words, you just want to say the right thing to make a good impression?" Tweek nodded emphatically. "Yeah I have the opposite problem. I don't worry about saying the wrong thing and I go ahead and talk to the girl. Then I say something really dumb that makes her run away. My suggestion to you would be to just make small talk with her."

"Huh?"

"Talk to her about your likes, dislikes, chat with her."

"But how do I begin a conversation with her?" Tweek asked.

"Just say hello," Sven declared.

"But how do I say it in a suave way?"

"Find the courage within yourself. As much as we hate it, we guys have to be the chasers. We have to take the initiative," Sven declared.

"All right, I'll try. Thanks for your help."  
"No problem man. Hey, you want to play some Halo?" Sven asked.

"Sure! I love Halo. I do great on it after I drink some coffee. Too bad I haven't drunk any coffee since earlier today EEK!"

"Good, then I can pwn you."

"Go ahead and try noob!" Tweek yelled. The two of them spent the next couple of hours gleefully wasting time on Halo 3.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to come out with the fourth chapter. Anyway, this is definitely not my best work. This is more of my fun pet project. If you want to read something with more literary quality, then check out my one shot Zelda fanfic or a new Bleach fanfic which I will be releasing soon. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the new chapter!  
-Mankin.

Osaka had an overwhelming desire in her heart to get her act together. Sometimes she thought that she had ADD due to her abstract and scattered thoughts. Right now she was talking on the phone to Tomo, but she had completely lost her train of thought already.

"And I was left out of the drama! That irritates the crap out of me! Osaka are you listening?"

"Oh I'm sorry, I spaced out for a bit," she declared.

"Grr. Anyway, did you get that message?"  
"Yes I did. It gave me Tweek's phone number."

"WHY DID I NOT GET ANYBODY'S NUMBER! THIS SUCKS SO MUCH! THIS SUCKS MORE THAN YOMI'S SINGING VOICE!"  
"I heard from Sasaki that she got another guy's number. It was only a random male character so he gave her number to some big Viking dude."

"WHAT OTHER DUDE!"

"I guess that guy is essential to the plot of this fan fic or something like that."

"WE'RE IN A FANFIC? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THAT!"

"At least I think we're in a fan fic. It could be that we're all just in some guy's dream or on some drugs. I hear that Americans really like drugs."

"No way! The only part of the show when we were high was in that New Year's episode. Of course, I was the highest in that episode!"

"But I thought I killed you first."

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"I don't really know myself."

"WHATEVER!" Tomo nearly shattered her phone as she slammed the receiver down. She sulked off to her bedroom to watch some T.V. At this moment, the television was the only thing that actually made sense to her. The remainder of the day passed quickly for the denizens of the high school.

Bandit Keith rolled out of bed at about noon. It was an American tradition to wake up late on holidays.

As soon as he got out of bed he reached over to grab his bandana from his dresser. He tied it around his head. It had the image of the American Flag sewn on it.

"Ahhhh. A great new day has dawned. Time to eat some American cereal, Lucky Charms," he declared as he groggily wandered over to his cupboard. He scratched his left armpit like an ape. Using the same hand, he reached up into the cupboard to grab a box of Luxky Charms. He filled his bowl with Lucky Charms and poured in some whole milk into the bowl. Just as he was about to consume his Lucky Charms, a sharp knock resounded on his door. He rose in irritation from his seat to see who had disturbed his American breakfast. He opened his door still garbed only in his boxers. Mrs. Yukari was standing right outside. She gasped.

"What are you looking at non American?" Keith demanded.

"I suppose Americans don't wear anything but boxers on holidays."

"Well, normally I wear briefs, but yesterday was a boxer kind of day. Come on in. Just sit on my American imported couch while I get some clothes on." Yukari mumbled to herself as she came into Bandit's place. It looked like he hadn't cleaned the place in a week. Magazines were scattered on the floor like refuse. A mountain of dirty clothes collected in the corner of the room. If that weren't bad enough, chip crumbs had been shoved down into the couch's cracks. Yukari could feel them attach to her butt as she sat down. His tiny coffee table was engulfed in a river of dust. It formed a three inch thick blanket over the table. Also, the entire place smelled like cheeseburgers and filth.

"American slob," Yukari muttered to herself. It wasn't long before Bandit came stumbling out of his room. He was wearing sweat pants with an American flag running down the sides. He was also wearing a T-shirt with a picture of Uncle Sam on the front. Yukari slapped her forehead.

"You have an even worse fashion sense than Nyamo!"

"Don't insult my patriotism! Now, why did you come here!" he demanded.

"I came here to talk to you about that kid that left the weird message."

"What about him?"

"He's a troublemaker. I know it! No teenage boy would go to that much effort unless he has ulterior motives. I just need to find out who he is!"

"Maybe it was that Kimura guy," Keith suggested.

"What makes you think it's him?"

"Well, the guy's obsessed with high school girls."

"No, he's only interested in Kaorin. He wouldn't go to that much effort unless it was fully meant for Kaorin."

"An American would," Keith declared.

"He's not an American. Can you shut up about America for once! It's annoying! You don't see me talking about Japan all the time! Just hearing you talking about that freaking country all the time pisses me off!" Yukari yelled.

"That's because Japan is lame and America rocks! What good bands come from Japan, eh? None! Mettalica, ACDC, Led Zeppelin, and Elvis were all from America! You're just jealous that you can't be an American!"

"Whatever! Anyway, the only way to catch a troublemaker is to think like one. We need to leave some bait for him. What do teenage boys like the most?"

"Hot chicks, awesome music, good food, video games, and some of them like sports," Keith answered.

"That's it! He never gave out Tomo's number. That means he's saving her for himself. This kid is too smart to give out his own number, so he didn't give the girl he likes his number. It could get linked back to him. He also masks his phone number so the number ID doesn't identify him."

"So, we'll have to let this kid know that Tomo is available," Keith said.

"Yes! I'll have to go to her house and give her a makeover so this kid will really notice her."

"Sounds like a great American plan. Once we know who it is, we can keep our eye on him," Keith said.

"And I'll beat the living hell out of him for trying to match me up with an American idiot."

"Yes! Hold up, I'm not an idiot!"

Sven's hand clenched his phone handle. Pure determination burned in his eyes. He would not make an idiot out of himself this time. Every single word that he uttered would be casual and controlled. His eyes grew huge with the will of the Vikings. He brought the receiver to his ear. He used his spare hand to dial the number. His breath came curling out of his mouth in long concentrated puffs. A voice proclaimed over the earpiece.

"Hello?"

"Hey, this is Sven, the guy from school. How's spring break going for you?" He said each word as if he were a telemarketing computer.

"Oh it was fine." Her voice was cool, soft, and enticing.

"Well I mean I'm doing okay. Still a bit homesick, but I'm beginning to get used to things around here."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," Sven responded simply.

Her voice was shaking, "I've asked people this before so I figured I would get a guy's opinion. Do you think I'm too tall?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, do you think my height is bad?" Sasaki responded.

"Where I come from, tall height is a good thing whether from girls or guys. Your height just stands out more since Japanese people are usually short."

"But being shorter is cuter!" Sasaki insisted.

"Maybe so but tall height is something to be admired, not despised." Sasaki dropped the topic then. She knew that he would never be able to understand.

"Why do you think cuteness is so great by the way?"  
"Cuteness makes the world go around," Sasaki stated like it was a fact.

"I never really thought of it that way. I do love some cute things, like my cat Olaf."

"You have a cat?" Sasaki inquired, her voice full of curiosity.

"I do, but I had to leave him back home in Denmark. My dorm doesn't accept animals and this was the only one I could find that was willing to hold foreign exchange students who don't go to their school. It was a lot to ask of them and they still let me stay there. They even gave me a discount. But I couldn't take my cat."

"I can definitely understand that. My mom is allergic to cats, so I can't have one even though I love them so much," Sasaki declared.

"Really? I would never have guessed that you liked cats. You didn't really seem like the type." Sasaki's heart felt like it had just been stabbed by a cleaver.

"Um I'm sorry. I've got to go," Sasaki declared.

"Okay bye Sasaki." She had already hung up before he even uttered his farewell.

Something he said had caused her to become uncomfortable. Sven could sense it. Then it hit him. He had said he didn't think she was the type that liked cats. It was obvious he had targeted one of Sasaki's soft spots. Once again, he slapped his forehead. He had made a fool of himself yet again. One more mistake like that and he would drive her away for good. He moaned in frustration.

Mankin cracked his knuckles as he sat at his computer. He was sending Tomo an e-mail. He found it much more convenient that talking on the phone. You could edit what you say in an e-mail, thus you have direct control. His line of business required him to be a control freak. His e-mail was basic in principle. He introduced himself and told a little bit about himself. He included a small amount of flirtation just to catch her interest. He cracked his fingers once more as he pushed the send button. He sighed happily as his e-mail program confirmed that the e-mail had been sent. This was only the beginning. Once spring break was over, he would really get his game on.

Time flew like a tornado for Tweek, Mankin, and Sven. It seemed like they blinked, and spring break was almost over. Tweek was far too nervous to even call Osaka. Sven, in his shame, didn't call Sasaki again during spring break. Mankin was the only one who had luck with the ladies.

He and Tomo kept up a regular correspondence through e-mail. They discovered that they were very alike. They both had an obsession with the being the champion of every thing they did. They both could be ridiculously hyper at times. In addition, they were both slackers when it came to school. Of course, Mankin had a good excuse to slack off on schoolwork. He had world domination to plan. Such a goal was far more important than getting top grades in a useless school.

"Besides," he would often think to himself. "They never teach you in school the things that really matter. Like building an unstoppable army and capturing the hearts of hot women."


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Here's Chapter 5 guys! I might not put up another new chapter for a while since I have difficulty finding the inspiration to edit these chapters. In fact, as you can see, this one is a bit poorly edited. Anyway, enjoy! R&R!

The last day of spring break had come and Tomo was already feeling depressed. Soon she would have to go back to her crappy school to learn some more useless information. She sighed to herself. At least she would get to see Mankin though.

"He's not only cute, but he's almost as competitive as me!" she shouted to the wall as if it could listen to her. Suddenly, she heard her doorbell ring.

"All right! I'm coming! Don't get your panties in a knot," Tomo moaned to herself. She slowly pulled open the door to find Mrs. Yukari.

"Mrs. Yukari, what are you doing here?"

"Let me in!" Mrs. Yukari demanded as she shoved open the door. "Now, go up to your room! We've got work to do!"

"What are you talking about!"

"Just get up there brat before I beat the crap out of you!" Yukari screeched. Tomo scurried up her stairs to her bedroom. Even she wasn't dumb enough to incur the wrath of Yukari. She followed Tomo up the stairs hauling a large suitcase in her arms. Tomo ran into her room and plopped down on her bed. Yukari slammed the suitcase down on Tomo's dresser, causing the entire structure to shake from the sheer force. She flipped open the suitcase with gusto. A tempting aroma rose up from the now open case. It contained a large variety of makeups, mascaras, perfumes, and other beauty products. Tomo's eyes widened in shock when she saw its contents.

"All right! I'm going to give some of these beauty projects to you. I'll do your skin and style your hair myself."

"That's freaking awesome!! So am I your favorite student now? Does this mean you're going to do something terrible to Yomi to celebrate my new status! Who's the baka now, Yomi!"

"Shut your trap! I would never spend this much money for a brat like you if I didn't have a reason to do so!"

"So why are you doing this for me?" Tomo declared in a begging tone.

"Stop asking idiotic questions! NOW SIT DOWN AND LET ME GIVE YOU A FREAKING MAKEOVER!!!" Tomo scooted back and put her hands over her head.

"Okay, sorry, just don't hurt me," Tomo whined. Yukari growled in frustration as she grabbed a handful of cosmetic products and began her obligatory duty.

The aircraft soared down upon the landing strip. Its landing gear gradually consumed the plane's inertia. Within a few minutes it came to a halt. Airport workers quickly ran up to the plane pushing portable stairs. The door to the aircraft swung open majestically as if the King of England was descending from it. A portly teen in a suave suit was the first denizen to come down the stairs. He had on a snow cap even though it wasn't cold. A man dressed in a simple black suit greeted the boy as soon as he came down.

"How are you today, Mr. Cartman?"

"I'm doing sweet Charles. You made all of the preparations, I presume. It would be so sad if I had to fire you. You know I really do hate firing people. It's so cruel to the working man trying to keep his family from starving to death."

Charles declared, "You have no need of such concerns, sir. I have made all the necessary arrangements."

"Very good, Charles, very good, now its time for me to find Tweek. Did you hire a limo driver, Charles?"  
"Yes sir, he's waiting just outside the airport." Soon enough, Cartman was seated comfortably in his limo. The driver waited for a few minutes as Charles put the luggage in the limo's massive trunk. As soon as he was done, Cartman spoke a simple command in Japanese to the driver. He nodded and put the car into drive.

"Ahhhh." Cartman stretched his arms out and then placed them behind his head. It was time to pay Tweek a visit.

Tweek nearly wet himself when a knock came on his door. He had just inhaled two gigantic cups of coffee and he really needed to go to the bathroom. Nevertheless, he dashed over to his door and asked, "Who's there?"

"It's Cartman. Let me in you stupid hippie!" Tweek swung his door open. There stood the obese teenage demon Cartman.

"What are you doing here?" Tweek shouted.

"Like I said in my message, I came up here to see how things were going. I'm also thinking about joining that school of yours."

"What makes you think they'll accept a jerk like you into that school."

"Shut up hippie, I do what I want!" Cartman yelled.

"Why do you want to come to my school! Eek!"

"So I can see what the scene is like. Checking out new scenes is cool."

"Yeah for a cool person, not a fat retard."

"Hey! I'm not fat, I'm big boned!" Cartman declared.

"You still believe that?"

"Shut up! I've lost some weight! I don't have as much jelly rolls as I used to!!"

"It'll probably take you a week to gain it all back. Aach!" Tweek taunted. Cartman swore at Tweek and headed for the exit. He had no desire to be insulted by scum like that retard.

"Oh yes, I'm coming to your school Tweek. You better believe it. And if you cross me, I'll make you wish you had never been born."

"I've still upheld my end of the bargain so I'll get one million dollars from you once this school year ends!" Tweek countered.

"That's if you can handle the rest of the year here," Cartman declared in a sinister tone.

"There's only two months left in this school year anyway!"

"Whatever," Cartman mumbled as he stumbled out of Tweek's apartment. He slammed the door shut as he left. Tweek let out a sigh of relief once Cartman was gone. He couldn't stand that guy. He was probably the most self centered, racist, and vile person he had ever had the displeasure of meeting.

Tweek dashed over to his Xbox 360 and turned it on. Maybe demolishing a few noobs on Halo 3 could help get his mind off Cartman.

The students didn't know what was worse, the katana stuck in the floor, or the foul stench rising from the moldy cantaloupe. Pretty much every boy in the high school looked as if they were about to go into a coma. They began to view each other with suspicious glances. Who had had the audacity to blow their cover!

A crowd had already gathered around the katana when the girls walked into the school. Tomo, naturally joined right in with the group. "Wow that's awesome! I wonder who did that!" Tomo said. Mankin was standing off to the side, viewing his handy work. Mankin couldn't help but grin to himself. A few of guys started to loudly accuse one another. They were on the brink of entering a fist fight.

Nyamo pushed her way through the crowd so she could see what was going on. Her eyes narrowed with righteous anger as she saw the katana.

"All right! Who did this!" Her voice rose over the crowd like a trumpet. Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at Nyamo. She rarely grew angry thus such an outburst shocked the students into silence.

"Get to class now! I'll find out who did this myself!" The students reluctantly began to file out of the main lobby. The few stragglers left got an evil eye from Nyamo and went running off.

After they were all gone, Nyamo marched up to the security room. She angrily kicked the security guard awake with her left foot.

"Why were you asleep?" Nyamo demanded.

"Ms. Nyamo, nothing ever happens around here." Nyamo viciously pointed a finger at the screen monitoring the main lobby where the katana was plainly in view.

"Except for that."

"Show me the videos from last week! The culprit has got to be on that video!" Nyamo declared. The security guard lazily pulled a video tape out of a cedar wood drawer. He pushed it into his security VCR and pressed play. He was still completely apathetic to the entire ordeal. His job did not inspire much enthusiasm.

"Now, go to the time period at the end of school," Nyamo declared. The guard fast forwarded to that portion of the surveillance. The multiple screens showed the school from every possible angle. Seeing nothing, they skipped a few more scenes. Nyamo kept her eyes fixed on the main lobby screen.

"Pause the video!" she called out. She said this for she spotted the katana materializing out of thin air on the lobby surveillance camera. She asked the guard to rewind the video a little. He rewound it ten seconds and the katana disappeared. They watched the video again and in ten seconds the katana appeared. In ten more seconds, the cantaloupe was impaled on the katana. It was if the katana and cantaloupe had appeared by magic.

"How can someone do that? The cameras would have picked him up!"

"It's simple really. These things are cameras, not camcorders. They take a picture every ten seconds. If someone counted the time accurately in their head, they would know when they could move about and stay invisible to the cameras. Also, our cameras have a few blind spots. If this kid was clever, he would be able to decipher where these blind spots were located."

"Can we upgrade our cameras to constant monitoring? If a kid can crack through our security, then a dangerous criminal could easily get through it!" Nyamo declared.

"The principle is far too cheap to purchase new cameras. We had to convince him just to get any cameras installed in the first place."

"How did this kid get out of the school? The front doors were locked tight unless Yukari left them unlocked like the idiot she is."  
"He probably jumped down the garbage chute. He would get all that crap on him, but it would be the only way to get out of the school," the guard suggested. Nyamo stood up from her seat and strolled towards the exit. Just before she opened the door she turned to gaze at the guard.

"I need you to make a suggestion to the principle. Tell him we need new security cameras. It's worth a shot. I've got to get back to my class. Sorry for kicking you."

"No problem," the guard declared as Nyamo walked out of the room. Meanwhile, Mankin had already forgotten about his small prank. All of his memory was lost by the mere presence of Tomo. Tomo had the aura of a goddess. Her hair had blond highlights and flowed over her face as gently as rain drops. An enticing aroma seemed to permeate from her, which could only be an expensive perfume. Her face was the very epitome of beauty. Her darker makeup and mascara created a darker, dangerous look. That was just the type of look Mankin loved. He licked his lips and brushed his hair over one eye. He strutted over to Tomo.

"Hey Tomo. Dang, you look fantastic today."

"You think so! Awesome, I knew it! Yomi will be so flipping jealous of how awesome I look! Yomi is fat and ugly! Yomi is fat and ugly!" Tomo declared.

"She pales in comparison to you," Mankin declared, his voice suave and deep.

"I know! And now I have one more way to prove it!"

"You don't need to prove it to me. Who is this Yomi person anyway?" Mankin said.

"Oh, she's kinda lame even though she is my friend. She's too smart to be an American."

"Not all Americans are dumb. Some are geniuses. Don't call Americans dumb in front of Keith. He'll go into a three hour long speech about how idiotic the rest of the world is and how intelligent America is."

"That would be awesome! It would use up a lot of school time, so we wouldn't have to do as much school and homework! Then I could finally be a real slacker!" Tomo exclaimed.

"You've got a point there. School sucks. It doesn't teach you what you really need to know in life, like how to conquer Japan….I mean choose a life profession." Mankin coughed a little hoping Tomo didn't figure out that he had delusions of grandeur. The two of them walked into Keith's class together. Mankin took up a seat beside her. Bandit Keith was starting at his lap top in deep focus. In fact, he didn't even notice any of his students at all. After a few minutes of tense silence, he closed his lap top and began to speak.

"Good morning students. First of all, I would like to salute the student who stabbed that katana into the floor. You did America a service by acting like a troublemaker. All Americans like to make trouble, especially when it involves foreigners." He held up his hand to his eyebrow in salute.

"Now let's get on with American history!" Yomi raised her hand. "Yes, what is it?"

"When are we actually going to study World history?"

"Without America, there wouldn't be a world. Is that a good enough answer for you? You're a pathetic excuse of an American!" Keith declared.

"Excuse me! I am exactly like an American! I go on diets all the time and I despise irritating people like Tomo." Tomo was too busy staring at Mankin dreamily to even notice Yomi's insult.

"It takes more than that to be an American! You have to be really fat when you go on a diet! You also have to despise unpatriotic people and people who don't like pie! People who hate pie are un-American! Also anyone who thinks any country is better than America is un American!" Bandit Keith declared.

A random male character spoke, "If you think America is so great, why don't you live there?" Every eye turned to gaze at Keith. He brought his sunglasses down from his eyes and growled,

"In America, we stay out of people's personal business!" The random male character quickly sat down to avoid getting killed off by the writer. Mr. Keith cleared his throat and began the class.

As soon as class got out, Tomo was all over Yomi bragging about how great she looked.

"Hey Yomi don't I look awesome! I bet you would like to be as hot as me! I'm more American than you are."

"Shut up Tomo. I don't want to hear it."

"Oh, a little jealous are we?" Tomo tormented.

"SHUT UP!"

"Okay, okay, no need to get all worked up about it. I mean it's not my fault that I'm hot." Yomi raised her fist into the air, preparing to smite Tomo. Yomi jogged away from Tomo to protect herself from a steaming Yomi.

Mr. Kimura adjusted his glasses as his students took their seats. His ever gaping mouth was gaping even wider today. That could only mean one thing, he was excited. Any exciting day for Kimura would usually be a bad day for Kaorin.

"I have a very important announcement today class! I have just received my lifeguard license! So I will survey the swimming pool during gym class and save any high school girl who starts to drown!" Kimura was looking at Kaorin as he proclaimed this. She sunk down in her seat in shame and disgust. "Kaorin, if you ever require saving, just call out my name and I'll be there!" Kaorin started to weep in hysteria. Mankin was too busy flirting with Tomo that he didn't even notice the announcement. She heard Tomo giggle and state, "Of course I'll go to the prom with you."

Sven, in comparison, was too busy gazing as Sasaki to hear the announcement. It seemed to Kaorin that everyone could tune out the announcement except for her.

"Why can't he just leave me alone?" she pondered silently to herself. Thus the class period passed, one guy pursuing his dream girl, the other staring at his dream girl, and the last wishing she wasn't Kimura's dream girl. The day dragged on and on for the high school students. The day back to school always seemed like the longest day in the year. At last, it finally drained to a halt.

Sven mounted his bicycle and rode away in silence. His spirit was utterly crushed. He was too frightened to even speak to Sasaki. In some ways, she was his lifeline. Thinking about her kept him from the bitter sharp edge of loneliness. His hobbies only kept him preoccupied, they didn't take away the sting of isolation. As he was pedaling down the street, his ears picked up the sound of a bicycle behind him. He slowed down and looked over his shoulder. It was Mankin. He picked up some speed so he was riding side by side with Sven.

"What's up Sven?" Mankin asked.

"Not much. It's a good thing they didn't give us too much crappy homework to do."

"It sucks regardless. Anyway, I wanted to talk you to man to man about something."

"What?" Sven asked suspiciously.

"I noticed you were looking at Sasaki a lot today."

"What? You noticed that?"

"Of course I noticed that! I'm a Dark Lord; I have to notice stuff like that! Anyway, why don't you talk to her man?" Mankin said each word with great emphasis as if he was making an excellent point.

"I tried to. I just made an idiot out of myself and caused her discomfort. For example, I told her she didn't seem like the type who would like cats. Then, she said she had to go. She's already a shy person, and through my stupidity, I've already driven her away!" Sven lamented.

"Oh so she's that type, eh? With those type of girls, you have to be subtle. But you have to be upfront and easy to talk to as well. You have to discover how she really thinks and feels."

"You mean like the still waters run deep thing?" Sven said.

"Also it might be a good idea to apologize to her even if you didn't hurt her feelings. Sensitive girls like sensitive guys."

"Hey, thanks for the advice man. I noticed you were flirting a lot with Tomo. Are you planning to go out with her?" Sven inquired.

Mankin stated, "Yeah I've already asked her out to the prom. Dark Lords have to be audacious eh?." Mankin sped up his bicycle.

"I've got to get to my place. See ya around Sven." With that, he pedaled away.

As soon as Tweek entered his apartment, he slammed the door shut and locked it. Apparently, he didn't want Cartman barging into his sanctuary. Luckily for Tweek, Cartman had not shown up at school today. Yet, there was a single message on his telephone that he knew could only be from one person. His hand nervously moved towards the phone. He lightly pressed the play button. The old voice of Cartman burst into existence once more.

"Good day to you Tweek. I decided not to come to your school today. I had some business to attend to. Make no mistake, I will arrive in due time tomorrow. I heard there was some trouble there today. That should keep things interesting. You better be at school tomorrow Tweek. I don't want to be the only American among these Japanese. As you know, Japanese people are almost as soulless as gingers. See you there," Cartman paused as a grating cat screech sounded in the background. "Be quiet kitty! I already gave you some cat treats! ARGH! Bad kitty! Just because I'm fat doesn't mean your claws can't penetrate my fat, I mean big bones!" OW! Bad kitty!" The phone clicked as Cartman slammed down his phone on the other end. Tweek felt like someone had just hit him with a bag packed full of rocks.

"EEK! Cartman, here, at my school! I know he said he was going to come yesterday but still! EEK!" Tweek opened his refrigerator and pulled out a cup of coffee he had purchased yesterday. It didn't matter to him if it was cold. He still needed some coffee to get through this traumatic day.

"I still haven't asked Osaka out! Man, I suck! Even butters would have asked her out by now and he's a pussy! I'll have to ask that Keith guy for advice. He's American. He should be able to aid me!" He titled his coffee cup erect and let the cold liquid trickle down from the cup like lava seeping out of a volcano. As soon as he had finished the cup, he slammed it down upon the table.

"I've got to look up that Keith guy's phone number!" Tweek began to tear through his apartment desperately searching for the school directory. He eventually uncovered it beneath a mountain of dirty Levi jeans. He rapidly paged through it until he found the teacher's page. He found Keith's profile and phone number near the middle of the page. He hopped over to his phone like a rabbit high on crack. He snatched the phone and pulled on it so hard, the entire phone almost came crashing off the desk where it sat. His shaking fingers dialed Keith's number.

Every second Keith didn't pick up the phone, Tweek's body shook a little faster. His anxiety had reached its breaking point. After about a minute of ringing the answering machine picked up.

"Hello in America. I can't pick up the phone right now because I'm probably out riding a Harley Davidson and kicking some Nazi and terrorists butts. Leave a message and your phone number and I'll call you back in America." Tweek's voice boosted up an octave higher than usual as he spoke into the answering machine.

"EEK! Hey Mr. Keith, this is Tweek! ARGH! I just wanted to ask you a question. Please call me back! My number is 078-7897. EEK!" Tweek dropped the receiver down upon the phone. Now he just had to wait.

"ARGH! I can't stand waiting! It makes me feel even more nervous and it makes me want more coffee which makes me more nervous and… ARGH! Maybe some music will help me calm down!" He grabbed his I-pod and stuffed the earphones into his ear lobes. He scrolled down to a Fall out Boy and began to play "A little less 16 candles a little more touch me."

"Ahh, nothing like pop music to calm my senses."


End file.
